SBTB: Freshman Year 



Karma chameleon
When Slater leaves town for the weekend, he puts the gang in charge of watching his BFF, Artie the chameleon. Given how inept the gang has proven itself at caring for other living things, is it any surprise that Artie winds up dead?

Idiots, Incorporated
Charged with creating a business for an econ assignment, the gang breaks apart to screw each other over, then reunites at the last minute so they don't all fail. The result is a string of ridiculous product ideas, each more stupid than the last. Were it not for an awesome "commercial" that has a Buddy Band-ed Slater dancing with Jessie and Kelly in sequined bras, I would've thought I was watching an episode of The Apprentice.

Lisa Turtle: Honor Roll Student, Lime Green Lover, Able to Add...well, not so much
Lisa blows a huge chunk of her dad's cash on some really hideous lime green clothes. To save herself from turning into Tina Turner (which is apparently what happens when you lie to your father, if the dream sequence is to be believed), Lisa lets Zack pimp her out to all 12 extras and sell her lingerie in the halls. She also gets a job at the Max, where she attempts to one-up Kelly and Ginger (Sampras) for the title of Worst Max Waitress Ever.

Dance Party: It's no Fast Forward
Casey Kasem returns to Bayside to host a dance party that not only highlights everyone's insecurities (Zack is a horrible dancer; Jessie quite rightly is convinced she's a freak) but also gives Slater an opportunity to dress and act even more homosexually than usual!

It's raining men (in drag)
Jessie's not the only cross-dresser on this show. Zack dresses up as the lovely "Bambi" to fool Screech into thinking girls actually do like him, all in the name of a science project that doesn't make any sense anyway. Slater seizes the opportunity to, um...seize Zack.

"I don't think we need to be subliminable..."
This episode answers two very important questions. Namely, does Slater really have feelings for Zack? (Yes.) And is Beau Revere the dumbest fake celebrity name ever? (Yes.) Ah, if only the Republicans had thought to broadcast their "subliminable" messages through teen pop back in 2000--we could have avoided that whole nasty recount mess. (The downside: We might all be compelled to refer to W. as "a salt-and-pepper Tom Cruise.")

Mona lala: Hawaiian for "that would never actually happen in real life"
Welcome to Bayside, a world where red ribbons are given out for third place, people can hang out completely unnoticed in filing cabinets, "live" grenades are set off in homes and public restaurants, and the entire U.S. Army is controlled by A.C. Slater.

Bring it on!
And by "it," I mean ankle-length cheerleading skirts. Does anyone else think Jessie might be trying to hide something by insisting that the squad wear these ridiculously long skirts?

Three men, a cheerleader, a princess, a transexual & a little baby
Kelly breaks her arm while levitating during a yearbook picture, so the gang (i.e. Zack, as the others seem to be totally incompetent when it comes to child care) has to watch her baby brother. Also, we get a lesson in how to speak English with a French accent, courtesy of Mrs. Egg.

Read my lips: Jessie's a man
Zack and Jessie go head-to-head in the race for student-body president for the chance to preside over the gang and 12 or so random extras. May the best man win!

Clear skin! Beat Valley!
Even with the combination of a maroon face, a hideous orange dress and cowboy boots, Kelly manages to kick Muffin Sangria's ass in the race for homecoming queen. Poor Muffin. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

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